9.16.2005

SO You're Getting a Divorce? Hmmmmmmm.

Apparently I have blogophobia. It’s kind of like when I decided I was ready to get pregnant then didn’t have sex for two months. There was no immaculate conception; so i suppose there will be no immaculate blogging. A friend commented that I just have to do the free-flowing thing…talk about my day…or my week…or my life.

So let’s just jump right into this Me-Fest and talk about divorce. It is really a kick and a hoot. For those of you tired of the same humdrum of sticking needles in your eyes, going through a divorce is an option to consider. There are of course about ten thousand subjects I could drone on about. So, I’ll begin with one.

You think people are a certain way. Then you go and do something that goes against their grain, and BAM, things are revealed. I discovered that outside the courtroom, judgment was going to be a big part of this divorce. Aside from the true-bluers in my friendship circle (who believe me, became even truer), there were others who just didn’t do well with my divorce. With comments such as “did you try counseling?” and “what about your child?” and “can’t you stick it out?” and “how bad could it be?” and “how will you survive?” and “how could you rip apart your family?” I discovered that many of these comments were driven by unhappy, scared people who have taken up residence on Planet Denial and would rather blame and judge you than look into the mirror. And then I thought back to any person I knew who was going through a divorce. How did I react to it? Was I all holier than thou about staying married? Did I try to “fix” their problems or insist that they try harder? I don’t think I did. I think I thought it was none of my beeswax. But then again I don’t have any close friends or relatives who have gone through it.

And so with these people, the division line began. Those who supported me. Those who thought I was cockroach crap. Oh, I struggled with the judgment; believe me, because I can be a bit of a people pleaser. But I worked through it, and do you know what? Life is less complicated with those people no longer in my life. It made room for the ones who have given me more than I could ask for. It also makes room for all the new complications that have arisen….like feeling like a hootchie mama man-eater divorcee at your child’s first ever Halloween party, but that’s another entry.

4 comments:

Rob said...

I like your frankness.

cjblue said...

So...after the two month post-baby-decision abstinence, did you go at it for a week straight? Cause I was going to write back that your FIRST post should be about your new Blocabulary, decided to pop in here first, and I see you've put up not one, but TWO posts!

Good work. And I totally understand about checking it all day long. I'm addicted to my own comments section. I check it a hundred times a day to see if I got any new ones. Pathetic, huh? Don't tell anybody.

Hey, Writerchick? I love your blog already. You have great style.

bzids: Crumbs from your pockets that get stuck under your nails.

PFG said...

Oh I've got a good one. You are broke and your soon to be ex is rich. You post on a women's forum about your divorce, suggesting that people always at least consult a lawyer rather than do just pro se. You write about how you are getting hosed by your ex who decided at the last minute that the financial arrangement you made is just not going to work for him, and some sanctimonious (insert swear here) decides to treat the entire forum to her non-divorced views on how ugly it is when people fight about money and property. You really do get to the point where you want to say if you haven't been there, then shut the f- up.
Diggin the blog. Keep posting!

opdrue: a danish verb for patting dry one's face after washing off a clay masque.

cjblue said...

PS - you're a hoochie mama anyway. Go get 'em, killer!