Once Upon a time in a far, far, far-away land, there lived a lovely wench and a crafty duke. TAKE ME I’M YOURS! She purred, in a desperate voice. She knew that the duke’s marvelous hunk of flesh was too COOL FOR CATS, so she didn’t protest when he took her UP THE JUNCTION to SLAP AND TICKLE her.
This love affair went on for months and months and months…. passionately. One night, after a candlelit seafood dinner, and hours of PULLING MUSSELS FROM THE SHELL, the duke confessed his secret sin to his lovely lady. “I have been TEMPTED BY THE FRUIT OF ANOTHER,” he said.
“Oh!” she cried, “Woe is me….JUST POUNDING ANOTHER NAIL IN MY HEART….oh, the pain….the pain!” Tears of sorrow slid down her rosy cheeks.
“Don’t cry, my love,” he comforted her, “IF I DIDN’T LOVE YOU I would have given her champagne instead of BLACK COFFEE IN BED – I always give you champagne!”
“In bed?? Champagne??!” she screamed. “IS THAT LOVE??”
At first the duke had felt sorry for his lovely wailing wench, but this carrying on was a bit much. A teensy bit more than he wanted to handle. “Don’t cry, darling,” he said in a tight voice.
“Oh…the pain…the pain…” she moaned.
I’ll give you pain, he thought. He picked up his Medieval cell phone and called his bodyguard. “ANNIE, GET YOUR GUN and come to the castle right away.”
Moments later, Big Annie arrived.
“GOODBYE GIRL,” he said calmly to his sobbing lover, “I’ve decided to SQUEEZE SINGLE’S FANNIES instead of yours.”
He took the gun and shot his wailing wench. The crafty duke smiled, finished his ale, and gave Annie a little SQUEEZE.